The News of My Impending Death

This is shout out to the women who sacrifice so much to make the lives of others so rich!

The news of my impending death came at a really bad time for me (thanks Steve for letting me borrow this great line!). I have a great husband and children who are practically perfect in every way. I have a church, which I love, and friends whom I adore. And, in some way, all of these people or things depend on me for something. So, you can see why this news might distress me. (Now before you start spreading rumors and calling the church to find out exactly what is wrong, please keep reading. I promise I'll give you all the details!)

What is the first thing you do when you realize you're dying (as if you haven't heard the song)? You think of all things you want to do. You want to reclaim the Joie de Vivre (Joys of Life). You reevaluate what is most important. You get ready to meet your maker.

For those of you who don't know, I am currently in Cleveland, TN. I am away from my home, my husband and my children. For the first time in over 3 years, I am spending some serious alone time. And, unlike my husband who has come to dislike his alone time, I am LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT! In the past three+ years of my life, I have not spent more than 6 to 8 alone. As women, this is not an uncommon thing. We have priorities, responsibilities. But, we also have a responsibility to ourselves. This, you see, is why the news of my impending death was so unnerving.

We all need time to be alone, to reflect, to recharge, to think, to play, to laugh, to listen to the music we like, to watch the tv shows we want to watch, to jump on the bed, to sing into your hairbrush while watching yourself in the mirror {not that I'm doing these things...I'm just giving examples ;)}, to BREATHE, to reconnect with old friends, to make new friends, to find new definition for our lives.

IT IS SINFUL to neglect ourselves, our own mental and spiritual well-being the way that we do - or at least the way that I do. And, the fact is that we do it with such great intentions and because there is such great need. But, we do it to our own detriment and to the detriment of those around us.

I know, I know...the death thing. That is why I'm in Cleveland. Both Brian and I realized that I was dying inside. I was losing the essential elements that made me the woman I am today. I needed to find them and me. And, you need to take time to do the same. If you neglect yourself, you will find that you are in the same position. The honest truth is that just like me, you will start not to like yourself, and when this happens, you will wonder how others can like you. When you come to the realization, you will be mad at yourself for losing those precious parts of you that made you unique and lovable. Then, you will be angry at others for not calling you on it and challenging you to come out of it. Then you just end up bitter, depressed and lonely and that sucks. Who wants to live that way? I certainly don't! So, I guess that's my job today - to challenge you to move. I'm not saying that you have to go 7 hours away and spend 5 days by yourself. But, you should probably take a day or two, or even a weekend and get away by yourself or with your girlfriends and reflect on who you were, who you are and who you want to be and are called to be.

I am not hard wired to be confined within the four walls of my house. Nor am I hard wired to only talk about the "wifely" and "motherly" duties I perform. And, the fact is, I don't think that most of you are either. I want to go and do and learn and laugh and love and find beauty, joy and ordinary things to be thankful for everyday. LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING. God has called me and God has called you and He has called us to perform acts of service in His kingdom. And, we as women must take time alone for ourselves to find out exactly what that is! Don't get lost out there. Don't lose yourself. Ask for help. I did.

It's like I was a person who was living but without enough oxygen. For me, this trip is like being hooked up to oxygen tank. I feel rejuvenated, full of life, even giddy. I was talking to Brian today and kept asking me, "Are you giggling? Why are you giggling?". I just kept saying, "I don't know. I guess I just thought it was funny." Proverbs 17:22 says, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."



Lord, I'm thirsty - we're thirsty. Take me (us) to the waterfall. Ask the Lord to give you a holy vision of your mission that plays like a DVD in your head over and over. I am. I am reclaiming who I am. Find out who you are again.

I'd hate to hear of the news of your impending death...