I constantly have ideas rambling through my head that I would love to blog about. Rarely do I actually make the time to sit down and write. I suppose this is some type of flaw in my nature or rather just a way of prioritizing that reflects where my life is currently.
Anyway, I'm reading a lot of books right now...Blue Like Jazz, Velvet Elvis, Battlefield of the Mind, Get out of that Pit. Let me just say, while I enjoy listening to Joyce Meyers now and then, I am really having trouble reading her book. It's not that her conclusions are necessarily wrong, but her means of getting to them is utterly annoying. They follow no pattern of legitimate study, but random cross referencing of different versions (interpretations) of the Bible. Maybe I'm being an academic snob. I'm trying not to be. At least I haven't given up reading it all together. Blue Like Jazz is great reading. So far, I'm a big fan of his writing style. I'm only a chapter into Velvet Elvis. I have yet to make any conclusions. Although, my first observation is his poignant use of analogy.
Ok. So, other than that, I've discovered an amazing thing about God's grace. Well, I say God's grace. Let me explain. Just when you think things can't get any worse, the sinking ship gets another hole (how's that for analogy). So, I'm not sure if it's God's grace, denial or an acceptance that this is life and who wants to live life unhappy or feeling like it's always a struggle. That is why I use the analogy of the sinking ship with another hole. When the ship is going under anyway, does one more hole really matter all that much or make the ship sink any faster. Personally, I think not. It may be delirium, but I choose to think that this hole is allowing the water that's in the boat to seep out, thus making the ship sink less quickly. A-HA! It is my hope that the dreary posts of the beginning of this year will be replaced with much lighter and enjoyable observations about life. This is life. I think I agree with anyone who says that life is 90% attitude and 10% what happens to you. Life isn't changing much around here. I'm not sure that life does...Solomon was wise, he didn't seem to think it changed much at all. I think life changes when we see it differently. We are all in this together. We are all messed up in some way. We all go through crap. You can't really compare crap...it all stinks. Sometimes the smallest crap stinks the worst. Sometimes it all comes down to perspective. You can only do so much, and then you have to raise your hands and say Jesus take the wheel. Maybe that's what age and wisdom do for youthful zeal...they calm and steady us so that we realize what is important in life. If we could only find that perfect balance.
My friend Loyd just wrote an awesome blog about how it's not so much about our methods but our obedience. I think the lessons I'm learning now are really clicking with that sentiment. This is part of success...contentment ~ lesson one for those of you who have followed. Do what your hands are given to do with all of your might, whatever that may be...like it or not.
I'm happy - almost deliriously happy. Grace, acceptance, attitude, determination, delirium...call it what you will. At least it's not the pit of despair.
Still cleaning up the crap, but doing it with a smile!
6 comments:
I miss and love you so much. Can't wait to see you again.
i will now mix as many analogies into a comment as i can:
maybe the boat needs to sink completely and then you'll find out you are able to breath underwater.
sometimes we have to let things die before they can live, or at least be prepared to let them die. Abraham was fully prepared to kill his son.
i had a dream for ministry at one time that i felt was from God. it began to die and was out of my control. i fought to keep it alive. it wasn't until it died, and I grieved and buried it that the seed began to grow. now i know it is from god because it has grown into something i could have never imagined.
i don't know all of your situation, but you maybe you need let something go. it's ok, Lazarus won't be dead that long and Jesus will cry with you at the funeral.
God's plan for you is much bigger than the one you're holding in your heart. Maybe He's trying to sink it to give you another one but you won't let him.
We're praying for you guys!
(begin tangent) what kind of god asks you to kill your son? why didn't abraham just tell Him no? (end tangent)
life is funny this way. struggle after struggle. whether it be food from day to day or the crazy circumstances of work or trying to live every day with a significant other. life would not be life without struggles. i agree that success has a lot more to do with contement then it does with results.
fear not though i am about to make my triumphant return to tallahassee (and then we can struggle together)
I think sometimes I have to get another hole in the sinking ship because it's part of the process-the process of learning whatever it is that I need to learn. (That probably sounds stupid...)
Things happen to us for very specific purposes and reasons. I can't always understand the when, the why or the how of those things. Though, my personality demands that it all fit together perfectly and in order at one time and I struggle immensely when I don't get it all immediately. I am learning that this journey I call life is a journey. I'm not expected to know and understand everything the moment it happens. I have to trust completely the hand of my maker and I have to surrender and say "Jesus take the wheel." It's hard for me to do that without trying to figure it all out and fix as much as I can first. I am learning to surrender first and let the rest of the pieces come together in their perfect season. Sometimes, that takes years for me, but I've found that the AHA moments do indeed come and when they do the wonderful fabric of my life tells a more beautiful story.
I love and miss you. I wish we could have lunch.
first... two of those books i've actually read, blue like jazz and velvet elvis, which by the way are wonderful. I would recommend anything by rob bell... especially the podcasts... you gotta download the podcasts.
about abraham (previous comment), i heard a jewish interpretation of the "kill your son" story. it says that abraham failed the test, because he didn't trust his relationship with God to the point to engage in conversation over God's word. anyway... rob bell rocks!
Didn't know you had a blog! I always love reading your thoughts so I'm glad I found it!
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