So Much to Say, So Little Time

Ok, so, well...there are quite a few things that I need/want to blog about, but I just haven't gotten around to doing it. This will be a random thoughts blog covering an array of items.

First, I'm glad I voted today. I waited until election day to vote because of my quandry over the candidates. I did not feel that either of the candidates were an adequate representation of any kind of change. I also was sick of all the political insanity that Christians were circulating. Kelvin Page at Westmore gave a great sermon on Sunday about Christians response after the election and the issue of authority. For some reason, this message inspired me and actually gave me a peace about voting. I have no expectations for how this election will wind up. Either way, I'm excited about the process and the way it has people dialoguing about our country and about the problems within the church. Isn't it funny how these two things keep coming up in conjunction with one another? I think it will be fun to watch it all play out, and I will be watching intently all night long.

Second, I have really been working on my thesis and my Apocalypse paper, as well as thinking about all the things we have talked about in Wholistic Mission. It is all rolling around in my head. I'm beginning to make some concrete formulations, which I hope to write about soon. I'm contemplating what the ENTIRE Bible has to say about the fatherless, orphan, widow, the poor and the immigrant. I'm also looking at what Revelation has to say about systems (economic, political, social constructs), and all of this in light of what the church is doing or hasn't done. I will throw you a bone though, I have said that Wesley had a system of radical discipleship, a call to social justice and life as an accountable and growing community. If we can't get following Wesley right, it might be a little much to think we can actually follow the mandates of Christ.

Third, I'm very excited to have been able to spend more time with my friend Angeline (and Mike too) at various points. I am thankful for their friendship and loving support during this time of transition in our lives. I would also like to say a big thank you to Emily Stone. Her efforts to include Belle and Ashton in activities have really helped my children to transition well.

Fourth, we have been enjoying various fall events. We painted pumpkins, we did pumpkin arts and crafts and enjoyed the night of tricks and treats. I will have pictures coming soon. We also have 2 pumpkins to carve, but considering that thanksgiving is upon us, we may just try to make a true from scratch pumpkin pie. Belle keeps asking to make one and the dried pumpkin seeds would make a great snack!

While this is not the exact maze, we also visited the corn maize in Anderson with Nana and Papi. As usual, it was a fun visit.

We have also been playing with chalk of late. I have some great photos of the kids that I hope to get up on the blog soon.

We have done so much work at my parent's new place. The transition has been amazing. I am so thankful that they are here.

Finally, I am really enjoying my internship. I'm actually starting to get attached to the people there. They have been extremely kind and gracious to me. I love the conversations we share and feeling like we are actually making a difference in the world. I could tell you stories of how things each one of them has said has impacted my life. Each of them have tremendous stories of God's grace and faithfulness in their life. I look forward to continuing to get to know them.

I guess that is all for now. I feel better that I've at written something here, even if it isn't as polished and perfected as I would like. I suppose blogging has now become important to me, and I don't want it to be as sporadic as in the past. I will do my best to get pictures up soon.

I look forward to the dialogue that future posts may bring. By the way, does anyone else feel hopeful about tonight's outcome no matter what it is? I just can't help thinking that no matter what happens, we are still His children, He still loves us and wants to see us all redeemed. Will the outcome of this election really change that? I think not. Que sera, sera.

Defining Success

So, I have been thinking a lot about this idea lately. I'm 33, and I'm not sure that I have ever defined this for myself. I think this was brought on by two things. At Christmas, someone told me that they thought that I didn't know what I wanted. Second, a couple of weeks ago, I heard a man say that when he was asked to give his definition of success, his response was simply "peace". Also, I've had this strange revelation of late regarding people who are "strange" or any word you could use to describe someone who walks to a different beat so to speak. What I find is that these people have a tendency to be happy. I think that they are at peace with themselves. That is saying more than I can for a lot of people that I know.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF SUCCESS? HAVE YOU SUCCEEDED IN REACHING YOUR SUCCESS?

I'm still working this out. I will get back to you with an answer, but I'd like to know what you think. I do know this. I don't buy into all this mumbo jumbo about planning your life to death. I do realize that without a vision the people perish, but I think there is more to it than just planning your life out on paper. I think that takes something away from the other scripture about walking by faith. More often than not, our plans just fail or we spend our time working toward a goal, yet always falling short (though not failing) and always feeling like we just don't cut it (and coming up unhappy in the end).

All of these thoughts have been brought on by a statement that has captured me - "Are you working toward what God has for you to do or are you striving?" Are the things that we are doing really what we are called to work at or is it just a good idea that will leave us striving? Right now I don't have an answer. I just know that I need some change in my life and some answers.

So, you can help me in this process. Answer my questions, dialouge with me, be the body of Christ with me, challenge me (yes, I really did ask for it!). A friend of mine gave up being negative for lent. I think I want to give it up forever. For more details read my previous blog "My Knee is Broken" if you need to get caught up. Ok, well it's off to the routine. For once though, I had to write. There was no excuse good enough to put this off. I look forward to your responses.

Woman With an Issue

It seems that we all have issues. The worst kind are the ones you think you've cancelled, but they just keep showing up on your doorstep with a cover saying "renew now or this will be your final issue". The only problem is that it never seems to be the final issue. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Well, there was a woman in the Bible with a different kind of issue. She bled constantly for years. In that time, there was no reprieve. In fact, she couldn't love her husband, sleep in her own bed, pack her kids lunches, hug them & send them off to school. No, she had to live outside the city walls in a box and cry "unclean, unclean". How depressing! The gospel of Mark (chapter 5) tells us that she spent all the money she had on doctors, but only became worse. She had no hope of becoming better. But, she had faith. She said if she could only touch Jesus garment, she would be well.
Jesus and his disciples were on their way to a rich rulers house when the woman came from behind and clutched his garment and kept on clutching it. Jesus knew that someone had touched him and asked who it was. When the woman replied, he told her that her faith had made her whole. The glory of Christ was revealed. And, while her healing was a great miracle, the greatest miracle was that her pain resulted in helping the multitudes recognized who Christ really was.
You've heard the story; now listen. We all have issues. Your issue may or may not be medical. It might be something that you feel like you have wrestled with for years. Have you have spent all your time, energy and maybe even money (going to counselors, maybe?!) trying to rid yourself of your issue? It might be that you need to just have the faith to reach out and touch the risen Christ. Or, have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe what you are wrestling with is exactly what God intended in order to reveal Christ to others? Remember, legitimate healing comes not so much in believing or having faith that you will be healed, but in believing in the risen Christ, the healer, who died so that you might be whole.
You see, unlike us, God has the ability to see and know what is best for each of his children all at the same time. What may seem a painful and unending issue for you and me, may be the one thing that in the end will set someone else free. What may not seem "fair" to us is actually the father's loving hand hard at work.
God is not finite like we are. He has tomorrow's answers before you've even thought of tomorrow's questions.
So, chew on that for a while.

Wrestling With God

That is what I feel my life has been consumed with of late. From what I can see, there are two kinds of wrestling with God. The first is the kind of wrestling we do when we don't want to give in to the direction or plan that God has for our life. The second is the kind of wrestling that Jacob did in Genesis 32. The second is what I want to talk about tonight.
For those of you who don't know the story or need a refresher course, Jacob was preparing to meet his brother Esau (whom he had robbed of his rights as firstborn). He was afraid and had sent his servants ahead with offerings to try and soften him up. Night had come. Jacob sent his wives, maids and children on ahead of him. Jacob was alone. He wrestled with God all night. As dawn came near, God dislocated Jacob's thigh. He told Jacob to let him go, but he said that he would not let go until God blessed him. It was this night that Jacob was given the name Israel (meaning "he struggles with God") and became the father of the great nation into which Christ was born.
The outward wrestling was a sign of the inward struggle within Jacob. How I have wished of late for my wrestling to have some type of physical mode, instead of being trapped inside. Come on, haven't you ever wanted to punch a wall or throw something or even hit someone because you thought it would make you feel better. I have. Of course, Jacob limped away with a permanent physical reminder of his great wrestling match. But, he also walked away with his blessing. God found Jacob out, and in our wrestlings (whether physical or internal), he finds us out too!
This wrestling is a sort of divine discontent that is pulling us, drawing us to give up certain things, to change certains ways that we are and operate even though it may cost us everything, even our lives. God wrestles in us to accomplish His will and purpose.
What we must be sure of is that we are wrestling for the right purpose. Right now, I'm not certain if I'm wrestling for the right reasons. But, I do know this...God is working on me none the less because I'm recognizing so many things about myself that I'm not sure I would have been ready to face before. Part of this relates to my previous blog about friends who wound us. In being reminded of who I am, I have also realized the parts of me that I have lost that I should not have lost. So, now I am left to find them.
If you are wrestling tonight, I challenge you to ask yourself why. Are you wrestling with God because you are bucking against His will for your life? Or, are you wrestling because God is moving you to a new place in Him? And, perhaps in the midst of wrestling for the wrong reasons, you can change your course and wrestle for the right ones.
Matthew 5:8 says, "Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God". Jacob said that he had seen God, and his life was preserved. May we be pure in heart. May we see God. May we wrestle for all the right reasons. And in the end, may we be changed to be more like Him. After all, isn't that the goal?!

Coming Up for Air

Tonight as I stood along the back wall listening to PB talking about contending for the faith, I kept thinking about people feeling overwhelmed with life (even the good parts), those overwhelmed with fighting the good fight (2 Tim. 4:7). The thought of coming up for air, the "just breathe" concept kept churning inside me. Even wonderful things (like moving to a new building) can seem almost too much sometimes.
The ability to breathe under water is not natural. Eventually, we all have to come up for air unless we have some type of device helping us to breathe. When life gets busy and overwhelming or there is some crisis affecting us, we tend to tell ourselves "Just Breathe". Anna Nalick has written an entire song about it (Just Breathe - 2am). All kinds of doctors and counselors tell people to just breathe or to take a deep breath to calm them down. But, maybe, just maybe, to "just breathe" is only the world's solution. In fact, in my recollection and reading of God's word I can't remember a time that the solution was for us to take a breath.
As we were preparing for water baptism and actually baptizing I was taken back to a moment in my past. Have you ever heard someone breathe their last breath? I have. It is a paralyzing moment to say the least. It is like the deep inhale you make when the doctor checks your lungs, except there is never an exhale. While watching a friend of mine (who happened to be former drug addict and achoholic) be baptized, the most amazing thing occured. As he was dunked into the water, the death rattle rang clearly from his lungs. When he came up out of the water, he breathed as if God himself had just piped air into his lungs. It was an amazing and terrifying moment. The presence of the Lord was obvious, and it seemed if almost everyone in the congregation began to weep. It was as if the person he was literally died as went under the water. And, the person who rose up out of the water was a brand new creature. In Christ that is how it should be.
Water baptism is an outward sign of an inward commitment made to Christ. It a symbol of the death of the old and a rising up of the new. Therefore, PB's message was all the more fitting. Part of contending for the faith is dying. When the situation (whether good or bad) seems too much, rather than breathing, we should probably ask ourselves how good of a job we have been doing at dying. Just read Romans 6 (there are a lot more NT references to this, but this particular chapter is very comprehensive). The writer of Corinthians tells us that he dies daily (1 Cor. 15.31).
So, my point -
maybe we shouldn't be coming up for air, but constantly remembering our baptism day. We should be taking that daily dunk where we breathe our last and come up having our lungs filled with the breath of Christ Himself who died that we might live.

Oh Praise the One who Payed my Debt and Raised This Life up From the Dead.
Jesus Paid it All.

Speaking of Faithfulness

Sunday mornings are always busy at my house. I awake to a hungry infant, followed by a hungrier toddler. My husband is already at work, and I am left to get everyone fed, dressed and ready. And, personally, I think we've have mastered the routine.
This morning though, when I entered my bathroom to put in my contacts, I notice a yellow piece of paper on the bathroom counter. It was a request for prayer. It was 8:30 and 1st service at GenesisChurch.tv was starting. I immediately began to pray. God's faithfulness kept coming to mind.
When I got to church, my initial goal was to make sure that everyone was OK. But, as I entered the sanctuary for worship, I found myself captivated by the presence of the Lord. I stood in the back for worship. In the midst of singing, the presence of the Lord broke through in such a powerful way. For those who don't understand that terminology, it was a moment when we could all catch a glimpse of what it will be like to be in His presence in heaven forever (for you theology geeks like me, we would call that "the already, but not yet" phenomenon). As we sang the words "you are holy", my spirit kept saying and faithful (and faithful and faithful). At this point, I had no clue that the Lord had impressed on my husband to talk about his recent journey in rediscovering God's faithfulness.
We continued to sing, but 2 Timothy 2:13 kept playing in my mind, "If we are faithless, He remains faithful; for He must be true to who he is". When Brian began to speak, my eyes began to fill with tears. It was amazing that God had directed my heart to the same place as my husband's heart. And, it was moving to see members of our congregation being touched as well.
These last few weeks have been heart wrenching at times. As a spouse of someone on the pastoral staff, I know that each and every member of the staff yearn to know Christ and make Him known. I watch them strive for the vision God has placed in their hearts. I have seen them glory in victory and wrestle with agony of defeat. And, even though I'm not the one doing the work, I have still asked where God was at times. And, the bottom line is still this...
God is faithful. And we do what we do to make Christ known. I think if you will just read 2 Timothy 2:8-13 with me, you will understand what I am trying to say.

REMEMBER JESUS CHRIST, RISEN FROM THE DEAD, DESCENDANT OF DAVID, ACCORDING TO MY GOSPEL, FOR WHICH I SUFFER HARDSHIP EVEN TO IMPRISONMENT AS A CRIMINAL; BUT THE WORD OF GOD IS NOT IMPRISONED.
FOR THIS REASON I ENDURE ALL THINGS FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE WHO ARE CHOSEN, THAT THEY ALSO MAY OBTAIN THE SALVATION WHICH IS IN CHRIST JESUS AND WITH IT ETERNAL GLORY.
IT IS A TRUSTWORTHY STATEMENT:
For if we died with Him, we shall also live with Him;
If we endure, we shall also reign with Him;
If we deny Him, He also will deny us; (ouch! I didn't write this folks...)
If we are faithless, He remains faithful; for He must be true to who He is.

I cannot tell you the countless number of times I have quoted this scripture, and it has set me at rest. For instance, when I was 28, still single and feeling as if I was going out of my mind...or when my Down Syndrome brother prayed for Jesus to take him to meet Him so people would stop making fun of him...or when my Mamaw passed away...or when my husband felt as if all his hard work was crumbling in his hands...or, I could recount a thousand memories when these verses have helped me hold steadfast when all I wanted to do was give up or give in or blame God for being absent or just because I wanted to ask Him "why?". These verses have reminded me of who He is and why I do what I do.
Now, I am sure that many of you have experienced things in your lifetime that are so much worse, but this scripture still holds true. So, how and when has he been faithful to you? And, what scriptures hold the same kind of strength for you? I'd like to know.